Holiday pressure

Last night, "The Nutcracker" at the Birmingham Royal Ballet. 

Why can’t we all be “The Sugar Plum Fairy”?

Tonight: Rushing out at this very moment to the Barford W.I. Christmas Dinner & Party at The Glebe Hotel. Should be great fun! Members have been asked to make merry this evening by performing a song, reciting a poem/story and/or telling a joke. Could I possibly feel more expectation and pressure being a “newbie” in the group? The D.E.B.’s sweet and sassy Auntie Dorothy has come to my rescue by providing with a “crowd-pleasing joke.” I’ll share it here, but a warning, it’s a bit rude…

“A young man called Ron wanted to buy a Christmas present for his new girlfriend.  They hadn’t been seeing each other for very long and she lived a considerable distance away. He consulted with his sister and decided after careful consideration, that a pair of good quality gloves would strike the right note, not too romantic and not too personal.

Off he went with his sister to Harrods ladies dept. and they selected a dainty pair of fur lined quality leather gloves.  His sister bought a pair of knickers for herself at the same time. Harrods had a free gift wrap offer but the assistant mixed up the two items, the sister got the gloves and Ron got the knickers. Good old Ron sent off his gift wrapped present in a parcel with the following letter.

My dear Charlotte,

I chose these because I’ve noticed that you are not wearing any when we go out in the evenings.  If it had not been for my sister I would have chosen the long ones with buttons but she wears shorter ones (which are easier to remove).

These are a very delicate shade but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled at all.

I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart in them even though they were a little bit tight on her.  She also said that they rub against her ring which helps keep it clean.  In fact she hasn’t needed to wash it since she began wearing them.

I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt many other hands will touch them before I have a chance to see you again.

When you take them off remember to blow into them a little bit because they will be naturally a little damp from wearing.

Just imagine how many times my lips will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on our next date.

All my love, Ron

P.S. Mummy tells me that the latest style is to wear them folded down with a little bit of fur showing.”