My wonderful English "cake baker," Sally, graciously sent along yet another cake sample for me and the D.E.B. to try. As with her three previous "American wedding cake" attempts, she has made a lovely and positively yummy little cake. But, it's still not quite right.
I don't really want to try her patience much further, but you know that feeling, when you know precisely what you want, and you want so desperately for the other person to get it right, but it's not? That's where I am. I really want to say: "Oh, Sally! Well done! It's perfect." But, that isn't 100% true. What she has done is lovely, no doubt. And would be perfectly splendid on the day, but it's just, not, quite, it.
I have already spent countless, precious hours scouring the internet for recipes, so today, more urgent action was needed. I sent out frantic emails to friends across the water ("Go buy some slices of wedding cake, and post them to me!"), and even dropped a pleading, electronic missive to legendary Italian pastry chef, Biagio Settepani, owner and Head Baker of Bruno Bakery in Manhattan. I have no shame. Besides, when I lived in the West Village, I was a regular at Bruno's, so why not. I'll be shocked if I hear back from him, but it was worth a shot.
Even more foolishly, I posted a "Wedding Cake Distress Call" to all my friends on Facebook. (I'm still awaiting all the witty responses which will undoubted ensue...) What else is a girl meant to do?!
Then, like a flash of lightning, it came to me: Betty Crocker.
Forget Martha, Betty was there long before! Betty Crocker White Cake, isn't that what I'm looking for?? Surely, the answer to this dilemma and major life crisis can not be as simple as that? Or could it?
At least I now have a focus to my campaign. One grand last ditch effort, before I give up the cause. So, I just need to make several boxes of Betty Crocker White Cake mix magically appear on this side of the Atlantic.
My beloved Sainsbury's actually carries numerous Betty Crocker products and mixes, just not the white one. So, pushy Yankee doodle that I am, I wrote them. "Dear Sainsbury's: Please help!"
We shall see how far I get. I only hope, for poor Sally the Cake Baker's sake, that Sainsbury's can save the day.